SEX!!

Now that I have your attention let us talk about…okay sex.  Specifically, sex scandals.  This is a fascinating topic because it is the only legal way left to kill a king. Don’t believe me?  Think about every politician from the last fifty years who resigned from office (Nixon don’t count) and if you can name one which was not the result of a sex scandal then you get a cookie.  Anyone?  I’m sure there are a few who have resigned because of corruption or fraud but they are not the ones you remember.  Embezzling money from public funds is not as sexy as getting caught accidently tweeting a picture of your junk to all of your followers.  This has become the biggest breach of ethics for a politician to commit, but why?  No politician was forced to resign over the collapse of the economy in 2008 or for voting for the resolution to invade Iraq in 2003 by using misleading and false intelligence (Oh burn! What a timely joke). 

 In a recent episode of Real Time with Bill Maher, Bill’s mid show guest was former New York Congressman Anthony Weiner aka Carlos Danger.  They of course mentioned his sex scandal, resignation from office, and his losing bid for Mayor of New York City.  Bill made a point how sex scandals should not be an issue and we should not be focusing on politicians personal lives.  Bill then mentioned how we keep losing smart politicians to scandals and a few politicians he mentioned were Ted Kennedy, Bill Clinton, and Eliot Spitzer.  Let’s pump the brakes for a second because I have a thought.  Maybe politicians step away from office for various criminal and immoral reasons but the scandal is the smokescreen designed to fool us.  To turn the tables and ridicule us for judging them.  Let’s unzip this and get to the meat of…what did I just say?  I will try again and look at the recent examples I mentioned earlier to show why the problem is not always sex.  I will grab this by the haunches and get to the bottom of…sigh.  I guess Freud was right. 

 I am going to quickly get rid of the old dogs mentioned earlier; Bill Clinton and Ted Kennedy.  Obviously, Prez Billy Jeff did not resign from office but the fallout from his affair with a White House intern effectively destroyed whatever political clout he had left in his second term.  Putting this in perspective, Clinton was overwhelmingly voted into office and the Democratic Party was in control of both houses of Congress.  Fast forward to 1996, the Republicans are in control of Congress and Bill Clinton became the first president to undergo impeachment proceedings since Andrew Johnson.  At this point, Bill Clinton must be pissed the TV show Scandal is not based on a true story.  Ted Kennedy was also mentioned on Real Time but he clearly stayed in office till his death in 2009.  Teddy was described as forever acting like a drunken frat boy and is probably the reason why he was unable to run for President in 1972 and 1976 because his personal life would kill any chance.  I respectfully disagree with this and all I have to say is Chappaquidick. ‘Nuff said.

 Arguably the two biggest political sex scandals of the last decade involved former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer and former New York Congressman Anthony Weiner.  Mark Sandford would have made the cut if it was not for the fact he was legitimately in love with his mistress, married her, and won a seat in the congressional district where his political career began.  Mark’s hike off the beaten path actually worked in his favor and is living proof that sex alone is not always the real scandal.  

How about we start with age before beauty (which is which in this scenario?) and talk about the “luv guv”, Eliot Spitzer.  A highly popular New York state Attorney General, Governor, and widely expected to be one of the ranking contenders for the Democratic nomination for President of the United States in 2008.  At least he was until his unusual banking habits led federal law enforcement to his rabbit hole.  Spitzer’s activities led to his indictment and the indictment of several employees of the Emperor’s Club in New York City.  The Emperor’s Club was considered by many to be the highest paid escort service in the world and catered to the most influential people in entertainment, industry, sports, politics, and even royalty.  Spitzer was known as Client #9 in the account book of the service and you know others were named as well.  Think about it, he inadvertently brought down this escort service and simultaneously pissed off the most powerful people in the world.  Spitzer bumble scooted his way into enforcing law without order. 

Finally, let me say a few things about former New York Congressman Anthony Weiner and his alter ego, Carlos Danger. 

The name's Dangah. Carlosh Dangah.

 

There has been a millenniums worth of blogs, articles, and tweets about the adventures of Carlos Danger and the Lost House Seat.  His indiscretions have been covered from every angle on every news and entertainment show in this hemisphere.  You can read his texts to certain women while he was in office and running for mayor of New York City at your own leisure.  Personally, I find them strange and confusing which means they are the hottest things I have ever read. 

Whoops! My shirt fell off.

 

As amusing as those stories were it is now time to explain why everyone who believes sex was the primary factor was wrong.  Bill Clinton’s fall from grace and impeachment proceedings was because he lied under oath to a congressional committee.  We can argue all day if this is the business Congress should be involved in (Nope. Not even a little bit) but this is the fun of politics.  They can determine what they investigate and waste time on.  Teddy had a party boy reputation which would not have slowed him down if he had run for president.  The Chappaquidick event by itself would not have slowed him down but both his reputation and the scandal were a fatal stumbling block.  The American people were willing to accept Jack Kennedy’s shenanigans because he represented a new youthful generation and he was a genuine war hero.  Robert Kennedy was a war hero as well and had a stellar reputation.  What this means is that the people would not have accepted a younger Kennedy brother who had not proven himself at anything except being a Kennedy and a human distillery. 

You cannot talk about the rise and fall of Eliot Spitzer without mentioned the elephant in the room; prostitution.  It does not matter what your opinion is on the subject.  Does not matter if you think it should be illegal for moral or ethical reasons.  Does not matter if you think it should be legal because it is a matter between two consenting adults or regulation will make the business safer.  The only fact that matters is that currently, it is illegal.  Also, Sptizer is a hypocrite and terrible with finances.  Spitzer made the push from Attorney General to Governor because of a high profile bust on a different New York escort service that he led and vigorously prosecuted.  What got him caught with his hand in the honey pot (I can’t stop at this point can I?) was a $15,000 withdrawal from his bank account to pay for a weekend with an escort which was a violation of the Banking Secrecy Act.  The financial watchdog of New York got caught making a stupid financial transaction.  How many lives and careers did he destroy to become governor and why are we to blame because he got caught doing the same thing? 

As for Anthony Weiner, he did one thing wrong and it was not sending pictures of his genitals to random women.  Let me explain.  He did not have sex with any of these women and never cheated on his wife (that we know of).  This situation is embarrassing and disgraceful for a Congressman and that was it.  This situation did prove one thing, Anthony Weiner is a coward.  He did nothing which required him to step down from office.  He played the same old game where you step down, beg for forgiveness, and then resurrect your character and career.  Shockingly, it did not work.  He left office because it was easy.  Out of office he began blaming the public for thinking about his personal life and tried to guilt New Yorkers into making him mayor of New York City but they saw through his arrogance and he lost.  For that, he is a coward who showed his true colors. 

If you did not know any of the information above other than boys will be boys, do not feel bad.  No one ever remembers anything beyond the headlines and people love a good sex scandal.  Hell, I could not even get past the second paragraph without devolving into a drooling monkey.  When a story like this breaks our minds immediately go to the juicy parts, the media plays on it, and scandalized politicians try to play it to their advantage.  Keep your minds open next time and see what they are really being chastised for and I guarantee it is not always who they are boffing on the side.  If you will excuse me, I am going to put my shirt back on and get some real work done.